Givers and takers. Egoists and altruists
Communicating with the men, I find out a very amusing requirement as for future beloved and cherishes wife. She is to be a giver. I can not help but agree with the men. As for me, it is something I would like to meet in a man – understanding, selfishness, support, care. And the entire recipe is to be seasoned with a large handful of altruism. My dream can come true as the psychologists suggest altruism as a very important part of a family life.
But in the reality the situation seems to be very different sometimes. Both, a man and a woman, can not be altruists. A family practice proves that a person can be an egoist and a giver, changing the roles from time to time. For example, in the morning he wishes a cup of coffee (the simplest example), but in evening he may wash the dishes.
Actually, a person in love is a giver usually. He/she is very excited to make everything possible for his/her second half. After the first month the things used to change. It is not a tragedy, actually. Simply a family life starts.
To ask for the extremes is a little bit silly as the family relations can not be homogeneous. It is twice silly to dictate what you want a partner to do. Sometimes, when it seems to you that you get less attention or care, it is better to speak about it in a calm manner, without claims and offences. In an opposite case everybody risks to create a pre-divorce situation.
It seems to me that the most correct way to keep a good relationship in a family is to love a person for what he/she is. But if you are willing to change something in a character of your partner, it is better to be ready to change some treats of yours as well.
So, my conclusion is the following. The givers and takers exist only in the fairy-tales, but there is a very exacting condition – you can create a fairy-tale by your own if you both really wish it to do. Just do it.